Finding Your Threesome (and More-some)

two men and one woman on a bed in a threesome

So you’ve decided you want a threesome. Or rather, you’ve decided you want a threesome and have already asked all the big questions you need to ask both yourself and your partner(s) to ensure you’re both ready. That’s an entirely different topic though; let’s assume in this case that all you’ve got left in the equation is to find the willing participant.

You could ask a friend, but if you’re like me, you have crippling social anxiety and, quite frankly, no friends you want to bang. So we turn to the magical world of online dating for ~adults~ and hope for the best. But with so many online dating options out thee, and even more popping up for the group inclined, it can be hard to know what you’re getting yourself into. Like traditional dating, there’s always the good, the bad, and the ugly with each, so I’ve tried out the top options to find your threesome (or more!)

feeld logo

Feeld

I admit this had the most initial promise, and I was genuinely excited to find an app specifically tailored towards couples and group play. We’ve met up with a few couples from the app after a bit of polite conversation, but nothing really stuck (it’s truly nothing personal to those who we met, we just like to feel a certain chemistry). I like that you can search for couples and singles of your preferred gender at the same time, and you can list your kinks with the comfort of knowing that everyone is there for the same reason. Unfortunately, some big drawbacks come in the form of their gender section. The orientation field provides a whole array of orientation options, allowing my partner and I to both identify as heteroflexible and ensure that we didn’t meet too many close-minded people (lookin’ at you, Tinder). However, the gender is much more confined, with only options for male, female, and trans/non-binary, effectively grouping everyone who isn’t cisgendered into an “other” category. You gender can’t even be changed after the fact, and to that effect, neither can your age. I’ll admit that I personally don’t see myself wanting to change my gender down the road, but I’m pretty sure age is inevitable. (not to get too deep)

tinder screens on a movile phone

A lot of people have noted that the app is a bit glitchy at times, and while I concur, that alone is not a deal-breaker for me. Apps are glitchy – it happens – but I think my main gripe comes from the fact that even a couples’ account can’t share users. So if my partner and I both wanted to swipe on our phones, we would have to create two separate accounts, which really defeats the purpose. We would have enjoyed the experience a lot more if we could have signed into the same account and shared the conversations and matches; we like to do sex things as a couple, and I believe that is the whole point of the app, is it not?

Many users opt to use fake names, which I have to admit I don’t totally understand. If someone sees your photo, I think they know who you are. “Whoa whoa whoa, is that Karen from HR? Hmmm, nope. Name says it’s Chesty Laroo. Guess it isn’t Karen.”

Tips for Best Use:

  • Show your face. Shots of only your bodies combined with a fake name mean I have absolutely nothing to go on. Of course, I want you both to have a lovely personality, but much like Tinder, a nice package (hurr hurr) is a good place to start.
  • For a hetero couple, have the woman initiate conversation. Both I and my male partner agreed that it was easier to get a better idea of the relationship and the potential for play when the woman is the one who initiates the conversation since a lot of men were just horny and looking for a fantasy. If you have that option, I say go with it.
  • LET YOUR PARTNER KNOW YOU ARE ON THIS APP. We ran into a handful of people where we’d be talking to the guy for a while and he’d have to say “I’ll check with my girl and see if she’s down” and then, almost not surprisingly at all, we’d never hear from them again…
  • Download Kik. Inevitably all conversations lead to Kik, since the Feeld chat portion doesn’t allow more than two people converse at a time and generally it’s easier to just avoid the glitches. Have it on hand for when the chat inevitably goes in that direction.

 

Tinder

This is the last place I ever expected to find a successful hookup, but our most promising endeavours came from the sleazy hookup app that I never had so much as a successful date on.

My partner and I decided that I should make a profile and state that I was in an open relationship, thinking any guy okay with that would be open to the idea of group play. That was incorrect. I had to alter my mini-bio countless times, going from “in an open relationship” to “don’t message me unless you want to share.” I got a couple nibbles, but the most promising one was from someone who really was in an open relationship, and that texting session got delightfully steamy. Opening up that much that quickly really gave me a good idea of our sexual compatibility, so it put Tinder surprisingly high on the list in terms of a sexy hookup between friends.

tinder screens on a mobile phone

Tips for Best Use:

  • Make your intentions clear. If you want a threesome, make it pretty clear that you have little to no intention of having solo sex with this person.
  • Move on. If they say they really aren’t sure about your situation, dump it. No one wants to be coerced into a situation that they aren’t 100% comfortable with, so don’t waste anyone’s time trying to convince them to fuck you. You’re fuckable.
  • DO NOT DM INSTAGRAM. I’m glad I held off on posting this long enough to see the scourge of men who think they’re above the system. As much as I love the Instagram connection to allow a peek into each other’s lives, there are (quite!) a few men who think that’s they’re so worthy of your time that you need to hear from them RIGHT NOW. In a single week on Tinder, I got 10 messages, which were replied to with a “bitch do you mind” response and promptly blocked. You will never bag the girl this way, douchelord, so don’t violate the minimal bit of privacy that Tinder provides.

craigslist logo

Craigslist

The Craigslist casual encounters section was the first place we ever searched out sexy contenders, mainly because it was the most accessible and anonymous way. You could see all your options at once (instead of swiping and hoping that the next option is better than the last – oh modern romance!) and contact them immediately, regardless of whether or not they wanted to talk to you. If it sounds like this poses a couple problems, then that’s probably correct, but really, you get exactly what you expect from Craigslist.

craigslist listings for casual encounter personals

We posted a couple times as well, ISO a playmate if you will. We focused primarily on couples, sometimes single women, and we never really had to post for single men because they see any posting as an opportunity to convert you. We would receive at least an e-mail every day with the opening line of “I know you were looking for a couple, but hear me out…” as if it’s like “I know you wanted to fuck a vagina, but can I interest you in some dick?”

Tips for Best Use:

  • Use photos. I for one leant towards profiles that featured photos – partly because it gave me a way to narrow down the list of countless people who were looking for play, but also because it gave me an idea of what to expect.
  • Describe your ideal or planned fantasy. This almost mattered more to me than photos because if you describe a fantasy that I’ve have since puberty, then I don’t care if you have tentacles coming out of your ears – you ARE getting an e-mail.
  • Prepare for dicks! Despite posting for heterosexual couples, we’d still receive a surprising amount of unsolicited dick pics. What irritated me most was one of them was good enough that I jacked off to it – how dare he have such a perfect dick?!

 swingtowns logo

SwingTowns

I discovered SwingTowns on Twitter, which is fortunate as it seems to have everything that Feeld lack was lacking. Unlike Feeld, SwingTowns takes the form of a web app, with a standard swiping system much like Tinder; my only criticism is that the initial “yes/no” screen looks more geared towards an app, only taking on a true desktop form when you click into the profile. I like to call this the Facebook of swinging, because the profiles look a lot like the standard social pages; profile photo, cover photo, mini bio, status updates, etc.

They also fill in the giant gaps that Feeld leaves behind by providing a wide spectrum of gender options (that can even be edited later on!) in addition to lots of ways to identify your orientation. The biggest evolution, in my opinion, is the ability to have a truly shared account – one account with two people! You know, like a couple! During signup, both my partner and I enter our separate e-mails and are assigned two separate but similar usernames that link to the same profile. Conversations are able to be shared by however many people are assigned to the profile, and it’s a seamless experience that just makes sense.

desktop interface for swingtowns app

The app explicitly says to not post nudity, but I’m happy to report that the status quo still exists over here in the form of men with no regard for consent. It’s not all of them, but I’d estimate somewhere around 25% of the single male profiles we came across contained a dick pic, or at the very least featured ~that area~ as the lead photo. Even some women just post a cleavage shot. Photos are also required to contain both people when listed as a couple, which is great, since other apps will frequently list a couple but then have 5 photos of a woman and 1 of a dog. Overall, there seems to be a lot more sex-positive rules in place to ensure smooth operation.

Tips For Best Use:

  • Upload a photo… a real photo. Maybe I’m just shallow, but I care about your face more than your dick, so please show me what that looks like. I can get cleavage, dick, and abs anywhere.
  • Join (or create) a group. One thing I love about this site is that there are groups for local swinging communities or even depending on specific interests. You can connect with these like-minded people and form your own connections outside of one-on-one conversations (maybe even bringing a few of you together…)
  • Go X-clusive. This app has the helpful bonus of paying a little for a lot of extra features; features that make it equal parts Facebook, Tinder, and Fetlife. You can search for specific things like poly people, threesomes, those or hosting parties, and much more. You can even search for homemade videos and view private albums of specific users, to get a further peek into these curious characters. Check all those features and more here!
  • Check events. I’m happy to say that it looks like many of the local Toronto favourites are on SwingTowns – Oasis, M4, OZone – and are frequently promoting their upcoming events, as well as some private play parties in the comfort of someone else’s home. It’s an excellent opportunity to casually meet those from the site in a welcoming, public atmosphere, as well as take the chance to explore the overall scene. Check out listings near you to keep an eye out for your perfect opportunity!

This post is sponsored by SwingTowns, and all opinions expressed here are my own.

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