The Pure Wand needs no introduction – you know it, and if you’re like me, you’re one of the thousands who rushed to buy it after reading a “gushing” review from your favourite long-time blogger. Hell, the last thing the internet needs is yet another glowing review of the Pure Wand, but if you don’t like it, then hey, get your own blog.
I bought mine about 6 months back, when I found myself with some scraps of disposable income and a lust to know more about this magical chunk of steel. I was giddy as I carried it home from Come As You Are, feeling the heft of such a small yet sturdy item as it tired my arm while waiting (and waiting) for the streetcar. I grinned ear-to-ear as no one suspected that my plain paper bag contained a simple, stunning dildo; one unlike they’d ever seen before.
So I made a night of it; I opened a bottle of wine, grabbed my off-brand wand vibrator at the time, ventured into the bedroom, and… it was fine. I came, quick and easy with no complaints, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing out on the choir of angels and gasping for air that so many reviews had prepped me for.
Over the next few months I tried it here and there, knowing I’d soon be writing a review on the legendary item that almost any self-respecting sex blogger seems to have tested, but I just couldn’t get to the pinnacle of ecstasy that so many others had achieved. It felt fine, maybe occasionally the angle was a bit uncomfortable, or my muscles would clench around the bulbous head and it’d sort of get trapped in my vagina for a moment, but otherwise it was a fine dildo. Just fine.
Then I went off the pill. Story on that coming soon, but in sum: my sex drive rebooted. So many of my sex toys were shiny and new again, sex felt more pleasurable, and I no longer seemed to be tensing up quite as easily during intercourse. Maybe it was the pill, maybe it wasn’t, but I felt like a new woman. One night I was feeling particularly fresh and decided I’d make it a Pure Wand night – it was time, once and for all, to reach a verdict on this masterpiece.
I ruined my couch.
I mean, not long-term, but I was forced to retire to a different room for the night so that I could allow it to dry (and so the cat could happily occupy the other half of it). I fucked myself for what must have been half an hour, and I’d guess that I squirted about 10 times – only once with proper propulsion, but the giant puddle underneath me (and a wee bit of splashback) is living proof: the Pure Wand is THE ONE to make you ejaculate as a female.
It was like a child discovering a new toy; I couldn’t stop. Soon I wasn’t even watching the porn, I was just thrusting faster and faster, masturbating to the idea of squirting more and more, hearing the slosh of the slick, metal dildo going in and out. I basically jacked off to myself in that moment, with no shame. Squirting was this far away dream that had finally come true, and much like when I discovered how much my ass could finally take, I just wanted more. When I wasn’t masturbating, I was just staring at photos of my soaked, pruned fingers, lusting for the next time I could make it as wet as I did before.
Did I do anything differently? Not really. Sorry. My best, singular piece of advice about this toy is just to keep trying different angles, and don’t keep trying one way if it doesn’t feel good. The logic and angling of this toy is so different from anything else you’ll try – it’s a giant chunk of super-curved stainless steel, logic doesn’t apply here! Approach this toy like it’s a brand new idea, and throw out all previously set dildo expectations. It may take a while to learn (like, maybe 6 months), but I assure you, it’s worth it.
A Word On Squirting
The first time I went to the Everything To Do With Sex Show, I sat in on a seminar about female ejaculation, and while there was one tip I never forgot, I also never really comprehended until now.
Remember how I mentioned anal sex will sometimes feel like you’re pooping, but you’re not? Squirting is much the same. You’ll feel a bit like you’re about to pee, and THIS is the number one reason that many women don’t experience female ejaculation; because we hold back. We think “oh no, I’m about to pee” and basically halt the squirting process. However, unless you chugged a 64oz Slushie before jacking off, you most likely aren’t; while I was using the Pure Wand, I felt that urge, and curious, decided, “Alright, fuck it. If I pee, I pee. At least I’ll know”
So I let go, let the urge through, and sure enough, it wasn’t pee. Don’t believe me? Smell it – you KNOW when you’ve pissed yourself, and if you don’t, then empty the tank before your next wank. You’ll see it’s odourless, colourless, and while it may have the watery consistency of urine, it most definitely is not. Besides, if you’ve ever let out a little bit of pee on accident, you know exactly what peeing when you’re not supposed to feels like, and it’s not nearly as pleasurable.