Not a motorway, not a BMW, but a sex club.
M4 (occasionally referred to as Menage a Quatre) is a lifestyle club in Etobicoke (just outside Toronto). Much like Oasis, it is a sex-positive environment that encourages consensual intimacy among open-minded individuals and couples. However, unlike Oasis, this particular atmosphere is geared a little more towards the swinging lifestyle.
The Mr. and I have toyed with the idea of trying out Club M4 for a while – primarily because well… it cheap, we poor. I loved Oasis, but the price was already a bit steep ($80/couple on weekends) before they jacked the price up to $95/couple, so we wanted to explore more affordable options for a casual night out. Once you get an annual membership ($20), admission ranges from $20-$50 per couple, and with drink prices coming in on the lower end of average, it’s definitely the more affordable option. However, with a more accessible price range comes a very different audience from the upscale Oasis Aqualounge.
Upon entry on a quiet Wednesday night (why is it always a Wednesday?), we were ready to purchase our membership, but were first asked “You know what this is, right? It’s not a secret?” – I grinned. Membership card in hand (which gets you 25% off at Love Shop, by the way), we were escorted around the rather empty, single-level club while surprisingly decent music was pumped through the dance floor and lounge – Thom York, Ting Tings, Modest Mouse, Radiohead, Depeche Mode – it was a pretty cool soundtrack versus the unidentifiable beat that tends to run through Oasis’s dance floor.
You can have sex anywhere in the club. This includes the dance floor/lounge/bar area, the sexy secluded hallway, the unisex washrooms/showers, locker room, play areas, and the dungeon play room (you have to bring your own shackles, etc.). In the general play area there are 3 private rooms with locking doors and king sized beds; all of these rooms are equipped with a rope across the door as well, so you have the option to leave the door open to invite play, close it to be alone, or draw the rope and simply put on a show for eager onlookers (and eager they are). I will admit I like that there is the option to close the door and have your privacy, just in case some people aren’t quite ready to have the whole world watching.
There is a sexy curtained-off room in the public play area with a sheer curtain that provides a very thin combination of privacy and exhibitionism. Next to this section is the “couples only” area, for couples and invited participants, and here is where I will begin my “con” list. The area for couples consists of half-walls that patrons can stand next to and watch what’s happening in the section. It’s all well and good if you’re into being watched by anyone and everyone, but there isn’t a section for couples to go where they can be around other couples and not be watched by any idle bystanders.
This stems from the very different clientele; as one couple explained it to us, there are probably 5 single men for every couple, and from our observations, 4 of them are quite a bit older. With the exception of the one Adam Levigne look-a-like giving us both a casual “cheers” as he walked by (prompting the conversation of “how good looking should a third party be?”), every single man throughout the place was between 50-60, overweight, and was there to tug away at their flaccid penises while ogling the randy couples.
Let me introduce you to someone we called Uncle Vinny, who followed us from room to room. Uncle Vinny was a very nice older man who was the first to ask us questions as we sipped our beer, cuddled and chatted in the lounge area. Was it our first time? What were we looking for? Where were we from? Uncle Vinny was from Hamilton and expressed his disappointment as he sat on the couch next to us, watching some hardcore DP porn from Dorcel Club*, saying he thought tonight was going to be more like that. Before he left, he made a point of saying “Find me later if you want. I’m into couples” which left us wondering how one responds to that. In general it seemed that most people we talked to had two questions – was this our first time & how long had we been swinging? As people with only swinging aspirations, it’s a hard question to answer. It felt like we were sexual kindergarteners.
There was only about a dozen people at M4 this night; at one point there was a young MFM threesome happening in one of the private rooms with the rope drawn. It was hot, and of course they had the audience of every single man, Uncle Vinny, and… us. At one point we decided to make out on a nearby couch, and as my man started fingering me, the presence shifted; all but one of the older, single men encroached in on us, while a couple fucked behind the thin curtain across from us and a threesome showed off at the end of the hall. It’s all about what’s new, isn’t it?
We decided to pop into a private room (of which I’m pretty sure the lock was broken) and immediately noticed the bed. King sized, wrapped in plastic, but with no sheets. See, every surface in M4 is just a plastic-clad mattress covered in bedsheets, to which they never seem to specify if you’re meant to change or not. There is a storage box of extra sheets available, so we grabbed a king sized sheet and… made the bed.
Does our foreplay turn you on?
As we got down to business, I watched the mirrors on the wall on either side of us; it was hot watching my man push into me again and again, knowing full well that my moans and screams could be heard right through the walls with an eager audience. However it soon became very apparent as I watched the crack of light through the door flicker with every passing body, that we weren’t the soundtrack for the other couples fucking, we were a sneaky peep show for the single men that had surrounded our couch earlier. Once we finished and opened the door, sure enough, 4 men stood outside, touching themselves beneath their barely-there towels… including Uncle Vinny.
On the note of the towels, they are TINY. My boyfriend is on the lower side of average in overall size, and the towel was too small to stay securely tucked in. They ended up giving him a larger towel, but specifying that they usually only give those out on Saturdays (why, how hefty is the crowd on Saturdays?)
Here’s my biggest con: NO LUBE. M4 provides one type of Durex condom, mouthwash, water, but not a drop of lube. Considering we were there on a night meant for bisexuals, how on earth was that going to facilitate safe fucking? My vaginal lubrication has a single daily use if I’m getting sex on the regular, so having fucked earlier in the day, it was a bit scratchier than I’d prefer.
Another strange thing I noted was their locker system; instead of a place like Oasis where you’re given a key to your locker for the night, you have to request that they open your locker each and every time you go into it. Can you imagine the lineup at the end of a busy night?
I’ll end this on my favourite moment from my night at M4.
At one point, my man and I were hanging out in a slightly more secluded area of the playroom, alone, talking. At one point he playfully smacked my ass a few times, to which I grabbed his hands and hissed “STOP.” “Why?” he asked, never having turned down a good spanking in my life.
At that moment a man poked his head around the corner of the playroom, did a quick scan of us, then popped out.
“That’s why” – because slapping an ass is like the mating call for single men here. And our close friend said it best…
“Single old men are like the seagulls from Finding Nemo…”
We finished off the night far better than it started. Just as we were sitting on the empty streetcar home at 2am, I thought to myself, “I’d like to blow him” and as if our two minds we one, he suddenly said “I think you should blow me”
And I did. My boyfriend came in my mouth on a streetcar just moments before the next stop.
So that was our first time at M4. Was it comparable to Oasis? In no way. Would we go back? Surprisingly, yes, but it would be on a weekend, and just to save money. Oasis still wins in my books, especially if you aren’t quite ready for the swinging lifestyle.
*I will say one thing for M4 – this night turned me onto Dorcel Club, which has some tasteful yet hot as fuck orgies that I can totally sink my teeth into. You can sign up for 1 day for $1.99 USD, or use the link above to pay only $19.99 a month!