I’m Not Unhealthy, You’re Just An Asshole.

Body positivity my tickle trunk overweight health fuck you

I’m going to forgo the word picture I normally like to paint as an intro to body positive posts, and just get to the point: my “health” does not give you a free pass to criticize my weight.

Yes, I’m overweight. The only entity who knows this more than I is the waistband of my jeans, so don’t act like you’re the first unique snowflake to notice. You note the weight of myself and others with the tone of judges at a dog show, and when I call you out for fat-shaming, you bring up the socially acceptable, thinly-veiled excuse for being a judgmental twat: “It’s bad for your health.”

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Review: We-Vibe Tango

My Tickle Trunk Review We-Vibe Tango Vibrator

“Heeeeeeehehe!” I giggled, holding the We-Vibe Tango in my hand amidst a crowd of people and tugging on my boyfriend’s jacket out of excitement. “Feel this! Can you believe that?” What may have looked like a tiny, spinning bullet in my hand was actually radiating through my arm, and I was mesmerized. My boyfriend walked away like he didn’t know me as I began gushing to Helen, the lovely We-Vibe rep, about how stunned I was with its power.

The We-Vibe Tango is quickly making it’s way up there with the Magic Wand Rechargeable and Pure Wand as a toy that can’t get a bad review, and I thought if anyone could give it a bad review, it would be me. The first time I used it wasn’t that impressive – I struggled for a few minutes, and between that pinpoint tip and such a small shape, I found it difficult to find a way for it to work for me. I’d brought out several toys and dildos to test, and was sadly disappointed when it didn’t rock my world; that’s the purpose of the Tango though, to simply be.

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Review: B-Vibe Trio

review b-vibe trio butt plug review

The B-Vibe Trio bore the tragedy of coming into my life around the same time my lust for anal play was at an all-time low. It comes and goes, unfortunately, and the first time I used this, it felt cool but… foreign. I do, however, give it credit for reminding why I love anal play so much, and for reigniting my love of butt stuff.

As it sounds, The B-Vibe Trio sports 3 separate motors within one butt plug (in the tip, middle, and neck), all of which can be operated manually, or with the included handheld remote.

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29 Things About Being 29 + Birthday Giveaway!

my tickle trunk birthday giveaway 2016

It’s my birthday! Today I begin the journey to embrace the last year of my 20’s, and prepare myself for the new adventures of my 30’s. I don’t care about the numbers, I truly don’t. I do care how it seems everyone else does, and keeps annoying me with questions like “You’re almost 30! Are you scared?” No. If I had known what a shitshow turning 22 was going to be, I would have been a lot more scared then, so clearly the number doesn’t make a difference.

Anyway, a lot changes in a year, so here are 29 things that I feel changed in my 29th trip around the sun. (a la Hannah Hart)

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Review: O-Wand

o-wand vibrator review my tickle trunk

Sometimes a toy gets everything right.

Ergonomic design? Check.
Premium, body-safe materials? Check.
Decent motor? Check.
Beautiful design? Check.
Waterproof? Check.
Included attachment? Check.
Stunning packaging that you still can’t bring yourself to throw out? Check.
I mean for fuck’s sake, it even comes with plugs for every country so you can plug it into the wall wherever you are. On paper, there is literally nothing wrong with this toy!

This becomes all the more frustrating when I encountered the only problem that could mysteriously derail this review: it can’t make me come.

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That Crooked Smile

that crooked smile body positivity my tickle trunk

They say that conventional attractiveness is often dictated by how symmetrical your face is, with facial symmetry influencing perceived traits such as beauty, health, and generally good genes. I know I’m not conventionally hot, but if I may say so myself, I’m pretty damn happy with my appearance, and believe me, my face is anything but symmetrical. In photos, my right side is my good side, and I want to set fire to the photos taken from the left; they look nothing like how I see myself, and this is in part to my smile.

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Review: Fuze Foreman

fuze foreman dildo review

I feel rather lucky; with the limited selection of uncut dildos on the market today, this will be the second I’ve reviewed in under a year! That said, the Fuze Foreman far from measures up (literally) to the daunting Tantus Uncut #1 we saw earlier this year. In fact, this version might be a better alternative for those who can’t handle the girth and sheer weight of the #1.

It’s rather petite, coming in at an insertable 5.5” and only 1.43” inches around at its widest point, but my favourite quality of this dildo has to be the squish factor. It doesn’t advertise itself as any fancy, realistic silicone, but it really should, because this is even squishier than Tantus’s famous dual density silicone. It’s soft, flexible, and plush enough to feel like the real thing, all without being too soft and unable to hold a shape. I love it.

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Review: Afrodite by Sex Wooden Toys

afrodite dildo by sex wooden toys review my tickle trunk

I’ve never been particularly good with measurements. Throughout my late teens and early twenties, I’m sure men thought I was perfect because my perception of an inch was way off, so needless to say I was easily impressed. I say this because there’s one factor that’s going to very slightly hinder this review, and that factor is size.

It’s the same thing that got me into trouble with my too-big Pure Plug, which I try so hard to love but I’m just not feeling it in return. When Sex Wooden Toys reached out to me, they asked which toy I wanted and what size, so this is no one’s fault but my own, and perhaps in part to a poor public school math education. I chose the large Afrodite from Sex Wooden Toys, thinking I like many other “large” toys, but not taking into account the inflexible material or, y’know, what an inch really looks like. Size Queens can rejoice because DANG she’s a big ‘un, but my vagina is merely a Size Princess In Waiting.

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Review: Magic Wand Rechargeable

magic wand rechargeable review my tickle trunk

This ranks up there with the Pure Wand as another toy that needs no introduction, nor any further fanfare, but too bad. This toy is too important to my collection to not be writing about it. It’s commonly known as the relative to its predecessor, the Hitachi Magic Wand “back massager”, only now sporting a body-safe silicone head, more intensity options, vibrating patterns, and of course – it is now rechargeable and cordless.

I’ve used a mains-powered wand only once before, and the cord was surprisingly unruly. Where did it go during sex? Under me? Over me? To the side? I hadn’t expected to be that strongly opinionated about something as simple as an electric cord, but when it came time to invest in a proper wand vibrator, I did find myself leaning in the direction of cordless (only in part because my landlord took 2 years to fix the short-circuiting outlet beside my bed).

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Make Me Feel Something

sensation play erotic story big oh box my tickle trunk

I wanted to feel something. Anything. It was why I went there that night, to the bar on the corner that I’d frequented so many times before, but I’m not sure why. Same beer, same music, same regulars; every night, the same people looking for the same thing – something different, in the same place.

He was different, though. I’d never seen his tattoos, his defined arms, his black hair contrasted against ice blue eyes. He was the only thing different in that entire place. We barely needed words; one drink, a brush of the arm, a grab of the ass, and here we are, with his hands around my wrists, pinned above my head, against his bedroom wall and thrusting into me with his kiss.

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